There was no note, no vase, no one there to tell me what was going on. Just the flowers in their plastic packaging…

I knew there was no more pleading my case. The action to take was clear. I needed to have this conversation…

There were a lot of things on my list that needed to be rethought. And … there are actually a lot of cool things influencing my son today.

When I pay attention to how I parent, I become a better coach. The two experiences have many similarities.

Isn’t it great when we’re with people who look past the bad stuff and try to understand what we intend to say? We call those people our friends, our trusted advisors, our coaches. They “get” us, not because they agree, but because they listen.

I’ve never seen the back of my head. Others can see it, but I can’t. With some neck gymnastics and a mirror, I can catch a reversed view of that balding area … but I myself am directly blind to it.

There is a conversation going on right now in this country, and it is a conversation filled with old beliefs juxtaposed with new thoughts and ideas. For most of us, old beliefs are familiar, comfortable, and deeply rooted. Personally, I believe in the preamble to the Declaration of Independence. I believe that grandmas and grandpas exist to cuddle and spoil their grandchildren. I believe people should be on time for their appointments. You and I are a bottomless pit of beliefs.

This organizational fundamental about learning something new is not just about getting new knowledge, but it’s about the mindset that allows for learning. Part of it says "Challenge yourself to take risks outside your comfort zone .... "

Using fun to relieve tension or shift a conversation is a powerful leadership tactic you can use with yourself, family, friends, colleagues.

Here are some recommended guidelines on how to speak straight respectfully:

1. Create some ground rules: No accusations, no name-calling, no bad language … etc.

2. Seek to understand before being understood.

3. Be factual. Resist interpretations and hyperbole in order to bolster your case.

4. Give up being “right”, as in a righteous attitude. 

5. Take breaks when it gets too hot. (You could use a walk after all that turkey anyway.)

6. Don’t take anything personally and don’t make assumptions. (Agreements 2 & 3: Don Miguel Ruiz)

7. Set up the environment. (Adults only, alcohol-free, remove sharp utensils … etc.)

8. Know your audience.

9. No ganging up on minority opinions.

10. Listen.

It’s that connection that brings it to life. Just like my cool client proved, enthusiastic passion can light up a room AND be for good business. That’s how we get masterful at increasing employee engagement, building leadership skills and creating a high performance culture. 

One remedy to assumptive behavior is to get clear on expectations, and to practice the process of Requests and Promises. It keeps transactions clean and free of unnecessary hiccups, speed bumps or roadblocks. These are called Conversations For Action*, and when we make them specific, measurable, and in time, many of the headaches associated with assumptions are eliminated.

At Momentum Consulting, we consider ourselves both consultants and students of high performance. We are right there with you in this endeavor, one moment at a time. And if you’re around any of us long enough you’ll hear us talk about the power of listening. This is not just hearing things with our ears. This is how we receive and process information. And when done generously, it can even be a way to honor the one(s) speaking.

Are you listening with generosity, or are you listening by default? Accepting accountability for how we listen to each other changes the conversation.

The idea of “keeping it clean” is the greatest reward I see in practicing recovery. Yes, we try to get it right the first time and avoid mistakes. But, knowing we have the ability to clean something up provides freedom, adventure and innovation in moments of business, relationships and life.

When I work with clients who are in similar situations, I usually tell them, “Find yourself at the source of your suffering.” They rarely like to hear this, and now I find myself reluctant to take my own medicine. It initially seems like I’m asking myself to take responsibility for someone else’s mistake, but that’s not it. I’m reminding myself to be accountable for my own experience. The suffering really is optional, and blaming just increases it for everyone.

I notice I cause problems for myself when I get overly attached to my preparations. One of my many blind spots is around overly relying on my preparation. “Winging it” is rarely my first choice. However, things do tend to work out well when I trust my ability to adapt and find a way.

It’s this generosity in listening that makes them easy to serve and easy to love.

Clear and efficient communication begins with the speaker having a clear intention on what is to be said. 

What examples can you think of where a detail included or left out made the difference for you?