An Incomplete Guide to Being a Decent Human
Momentum Consulting is based upon two pillars: Accountability and Collaboration. Economics of Decency, a Momentum body of work, illustrates those two pillars in detail. The concept of decency in our world today, at times, seems like an uphill battle. Although, as a parent of a teenage boy, teaching and showing my son how to be a decent human being is something I think about daily.
I’m grateful to my parents for how they raised me. Each of them worked full time, but I always had the sense that guiding me through childhood was their priority. I had a keen awareness of how societal norms in the Lone Star State shaped my concept of decency. As a parent in 2021, I am concerned about the world my son is growing up in and the lack of decency he is exposed to daily. Have you been to 7th grade recently?
Perhaps I’m turning into a grumpy, overly nostalgic old man, but I'm still striving to raise a decent human being, and I dare say, a gentleman! For starters, respect for self and others, accountability for one’s actions, and a strong work ethic are values I believe are essential in the quest for human decency.
I went on a quest to curate a simple list of how to be a gentleman and had originally titled this article, A Young Man’s Guide On How To Be a Gentleman In the 21st Century.
I scoured various sources, including self-proclaimed experts, relied upon my own life experiences and mistakenly included what I now know to be antiquated chivalry. I showed my list to a progressive, and slightly younger crowd and received some eye-opening feedback.
There were a lot of things on my list that needed to be rethought. And … there are actually a lot of cool things influencing my son today. I know these things but still had a pessimistic attitude about most of them. Firstly, this list of gentlemanly characteristics had quite the paternalistic slant to it. Yes, I believe a man should still hold the door open for a woman and be willing to carry her things, but I’ve also noticed that as many of these archaic gender roles disintegrate, the maleducation for young men to learn control and dominion over women are also thankfully weakening.
One of the many conversations we have in our coaching curriculum is the default listening model. This distinction illustrates how we unconsciously create and nurture our biases and other preferences of which we are usually unaware. The result is a subtle but powerful conditioning of our minds to believe a wide range of falsities as truths. These typically exist with a mountain of evidence but without a basis in reality.
Some examples of this might look like this:
My boss always picks on me more than my coworkers.
My father never loved me.
The world is out to get me.
Young people may be conditioned to hold similarly unconscious beliefs:
Men are stronger than women.
A woman’s place is in the home.
Men are the breadwinners and should earn more money than women.
At face value, these may seem absurd and over-stated, but it’s amazing what nonsense we retain from our early inculcations -- especially when you look at our society as a whole. Our country does have a checkered past.
We are business coaches and consultants, but we are in the awareness business. We struggle with our own blind spots just like you. We get coaching regularly just like you.
This week’s fundamental is…
CONTINUOUSLY SEEK TO IMPROVE THE IMPACT WE MAKE. Always seek a breakthrough approach. Our job is to improve the lives and work of the people we serve. This path takes planning, diligence, and thoughtfulness.
In that spirit, I’m amending my list to include a revised version next to it. I changed some but not all. I’d love and appreciate anything you’d like to add; feel free to let me know which ones don’t belong.
Remember, we’re in this together.
An incomplete guide on becoming a decent human being
Revised Version
Be a person of your word.
Listen intently.
Let your companion order first.
Be on time for every meeting.
Keep your phone away during in-person conversations.
Don’t be afraid to be the best-dressed person in the room.
Open the door for others.
Don’t spit in public.
Make your bed every day.
Be a selfless lover.
Keep your finances to yourself.
Respect your elders.
Stand when someone new joins your table.
Stand to shake hands. Shake hands firmly, look them in the eye and say, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
When introducing two people, introduce the more senior to the more junior. “Grandma, I’d like to introduce you to my friend Bryan.”
Share your umbrella.
Help others carry things or with small tasks.
Whenever possible, hand-write a note.
Keep your house in order and your bathroom clean.
Jump into the pool. No wading in.
Forgive. No grudges.
Don’t gossip.
Never say, “I told you so.”
Three words: “Please,” “Thank you.”
Maintain eye contact in all conversations.
Walk with intention.
Build and guard your reputation with care.
Ask for their family’s blessing before proposing.
Keep your social media history clean.
Practice confidence, not arrogance.
Know how to give a good toast.
Don’t wait for someone else to take accountability.
Old Version
Be a man of your word.
Listen intently.
Let her order first.
Be on time for every meeting.
Keep your phone away during in-person conversations.
Don’t be afraid to be the best-dressed man in the room.
Open the door for her.
Don’t spit in front of a lady.
Make your bed every day.
Give more than you get in the bedroom.
Keep your finances to yourself.
Respect your elders.
Stand when she arrives and when she leaves.
Stand to shake hands. Shake hands firmly, look them in the eye and say “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
When introducing two people, introduce the more senior to the more junior. “Grandma, I’d like to introduce you to my friend Bryan.”
Hold the umbrella over her.
Carry her heavy stuff.
Whenever possible, hand-write a note.
Keep your house in order and your bathroom clean.
Jump into the pool. No wading in.
Forgive. No grudges.
Don’t gossip.
Never say, “I told you so.”
Three words: “Please,” “Thank you.”
Maintain eye contact in all conversations.
Walk with intention.
Build and guard your reputation with care.
Ask for her family’s blessing before proposing.
Keep your social media history clean.
Practice confidence, not arrogance.
Know how to give a good toast.
Don’t wait for someone else to take accountability.
Fundamental of the Week #26: CONTINUOUSLY SEEK TO IMPROVE THE IMPACT WE MAKE. Always seek a breakthrough approach. Our job is to improve the lives and work of the people we serve. This path takes planning, diligence, and thoughtfulness.
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