How Can We Improve Professional Communication and Relationships?
Photo by Fauxels
This morning, I received a call from a client who urgently needed a special session to address a pressing issue within his team. He was grappling with a breakdown in communication and collaboration between himself and two of his direct reports. The situation had escalated due to the demands of a particularly challenging customer, leaving the client in a reactive state, unsure of how to effectively communicate with his leaders.
My immediate response to his predicament was to acknowledge his frustration and emotional reactivity in dealing with both his team and the challenging situation they faced. I stressed that, until he could manage and release this emotional turmoil, any communication attempts would be hindered and could even exacerbate the existing issues.
As Albert Einstein wisely noted, "We can't solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."
So, the question arises:
How do we break free from the grip of our emotional reactions?
In my training, I was introduced to a valuable exercise known as "Free-form writing." This exercise serves the purpose of helping individuals release pent-up emotions, such as anger, frustration, or any other overwhelming feelings that may cloud their judgment in the moment. By clearing these negative thoughts, we create the mental space and clarity necessary to approach a situation from a different perspective.
Drs. Ron and Mary Hulnik, in their book "Remembering The Light Within," outline the steps involved in Free-Form writing:
Start with setting an intention to release the negative thoughts.
Find a private place where you won’t be disturbed
Light a candle or put on relaxing music
Collect notebook paper and a pen to use (do not use a computer or phone)
Write whatever is present. It doesn’t have to make sense or be legible
Do not censor or edit what is coming forward in your writing
Write a minimum of 10 minutes but no more than 2 hours
Do not read what you’ve written as you don’t want to relive it and feel the negativity again
Notice if there is an opportunity to acknowledge your part and/or forgive yourself or others
When you’re finished, burn or shred what you’ve written
I've personally found this exercise to be an invaluable tool. It has prevented me from making impulsive and regrettable communication choices when I've been in a reactive state. Moreover, it has granted me the opportunity to unearth the root cause of my distress. It's important to recognize that our emotional turmoil is seldom directly related to the events unfolding; rather, these events serve as a spotlight, illuminating underlying issues we need to address or heal. While it's often a humbling process, I've discovered a deeper sense of peace and resolution when I'm willing to put in the effort.
It's essential to remember that we cannot control the actions or words of others. However, we retain the power to choose how we respond. In my work with clients, a significant portion of our efforts focuses on establishing trust and nurturing strong relationships within their professional networks. Many of my clients excel in managing external relationships, particularly with their customers, but they tend to struggle when it comes to effective communication within their own teams. These internal relationships are vital to the overall success of any organization. They represent our "internal" customers and play a crucial role in delivering successful service to our external clients.
In today's fast-paced world, we often overlook the importance of nurturing our internal relationships. While it may require an investment of time and effort, this practice ultimately saves us from eroding trust, respect, and productivity. It all begins with taking ownership of our reactions, releasing our negative emotions, and truly listening to others from their perspectives. This may be a tall order, but it's a commitment that yields invaluable results and is worth every ounce of effort you invest.
Have you recently felt that someone has pushed your buttons or stepped on your toes?
Are you willing to delve a little deeper to uncover the true source of your discomfort?
I strongly encourage you to gift yourself the practice of free-form writing. I promise that you'll experience an improvement in your emotional well-being and a significant step forward in resolving issues and building stronger, more productive relationships.
I'm right here with you, ready to support your journey.
Martha Lynn
Fundamental of the Week #23: PRACTICE RECOVERY
When mistakes or errors in judgment happen, own it. Communicate to the appropriate parties, acknowledge your accountability, and set corrective steps in motion. Get back in the game quickly.
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