Trust Starts When No One’s Watching—How Accountable Are You?
Image created using AI-generated artwork via ChatGPT
I think we can all agree—trust is a big deal in life and business.
In fact, many of the people you and I know have likely told us it’s “the most important thing” in a relationship. In Gottman and Gottman’s book, The Man’s Guide to Women it’s very clearly stated that what a woman looks for first in a man is trustworthiness. If this is remotely true, then why does it seem to be in such short supply? Is it men who are untrustworthy? Is it all of us? Don’t answer that yet.
Our Fundamental of the Week is PRACTICE BLAMELESS PROBLEM SOLVING (I dare you to say that three times fast), and it’s not just about solving problems; it’s about trust, but even more, it’s about accountability, and the two go hand in hand.
We all know the temptation of “getting away with something” is a juicy one. But unless you’re a sociopath with no conscience, the truth is, getting away with things comes at a cost: Stress, anxiety, missed opportunities, self-esteem and even identity issues.
When I was eight years old, I was left unattended at my friend Mike’s ping-pong table. Ping pong is extremely difficult to play alone unless you have a wall like Forrest Gump did during the moon landing. I didn’t have that. So, as I was there alone, I got a little too creative and aggressive, which resulted in the paddle flying from my hand and into a window, which I shattered. I panicked, ran out the side door all the way home, and sat in front of the TV, acting like nothing had happened. But something did happen, and the event ran itself over and over in my mind. I was only able to watch Gilligan’s Island for about 2 minutes before the stress and anxiety overcame me, and I told my mom what happened. She said I had to call Mike’s mom and tell her about it. I hated that idea. I hated it, but something about taking accountability was liberating, and when I did it, I felt so much better. Sometimes, the truth does set you free. It was much better to be on the other side of that admission.
Back to trust.
As a leader (yes, you’re a leader), you have eyes on you at all times. Sure, you may be able to get away with things now and then in the short term, but for the most part, someone is watching us. Also, we all make mistakes. How we handle those mistakes greatly influences how much people trust us. Trust is a much-needed currency with big value in life. If you have a lot of it, you might consider yourself rich with that valuable legal tender. If you don’t, you might feel helpless and without options.
So it begs the question: Is it worth trying to get away with it rather than owning up to our actions?
I’ll answer this way. One of my mentors once told me a story about selling his car. He sold it for $3,000. But when he went to the DMV to transfer the title, he realized something: the higher the sale price, the higher the taxes he had to pay. And since the state of New Jersey never checked, he knew he could write down a lower price.
He almost did.
Pen in hand, he quickly wrote “3” and two zeroes—$300. But then, he hesitated. He had a silent argument with himself over whether to finish writing “$300” or change it to the full $3,000.
He chose $3,000. Not because he was afraid of getting caught. But because he didn’t want to be a liar or a cheat. He wanted to know himself as someone trustworthy at the deepest level of identity.
He wanted to live in a world of trust, and he knew that world had to start with him. He wanted to be able to trust himself.
Tying Leadership, Trust, and Accountability Together
I came across this great insight online:
If you’re in a leadership position, avoiding accountability can cause others to lose faith in your ability to lead. Leaders who take accountability inspire trust, respect, and loyalty. Without this, your influence is likely to be diminished.
A leader without influence isn’t really leading—at best, they’re just managing.
And, not even managing all that well.
So, here’s the real question:
How accountable and trustworthy are you when no one’s watching?
Because someone is watching.
You are.
~ Brett
Fundamental of the Week #18: PRACTICE BLAMELESS PROBLEM-SOLVING
Focus on finding a solution, not who is at fault; apply your creativity, spirit, and enthusiasm to developing solutions. Then, identify lessons learned, and use those lessons to improve processes and strengthen relationships.
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