Why Goal Setting Doesn’t Work for Everyone—and What to Do Instead
Photo by Alina Vilchenko
Confession time—how many commitments or goals did you set for yourself to begin this New Year? There are typically two types of people: those who set goals and those who set none. Regardless of which camp you find yourself in, each comes with its own positive and negative consequences. But here’s the good news: there’s a way to navigate both.
In my work with clients, especially this time of year, we focus on clarifying desired outcomes, making course corrections, and defining executable plans for the months ahead. The approach varies for each individual, often shaped by their unique relationship with goal setting. Understanding this relationship provides invaluable insights into how we perceive ourselves—it’s the moment we “pull back the curtain” and confront our deepest fears and beliefs about who we are.
If you’re someone who doesn’t feel motivated by setting goals, there might be deeper reasons at play. You may be worried about failure, feel confined by commitments, or stressed about performance. You could even struggle with flexibility or decision-making. These are valid concerns, especially when the path forward feels unclear. Humans naturally resist the unknown—if we can’t see how a goal can be achieved, it’s tempting to avoid setting ourselves up for failure.
Another common roadblock? A lack of clarity about what we truly want. It’s easy to get lost in the noise of societal expectations, “shoulds,” and external pressures, leaving us confused about our desires.
Here’s the secret: lead with your heart.
If you could have any desire or outcome without worrying about how to achieve it, what would it be? Start there. Visualize yourself attaining that goal—what does it feel, taste, sound, look, and smell like? You don’t have to work out all the details upfront, and here’s the bonus: you can change your mind along the way.
Think of it like sailing. You chart a course toward a destination but remain flexible enough to navigate unexpected obstacles—or even adjust your destination entirely.
For goal setters, there’s a different challenge: striking a balance between ambition and realism. Enthusiasm often drives people to set demanding or even unrealistic goals, fueled by a need to prove something, over-functioning, or discontentment. While big goals are exciting, overshooting can lead to burnout and disappointment—the very experiences we were trying to avoid.
For example, let’s say you want to quadruple your business this year because last year felt slow. It’s an admirable idea, but what metrics will guide your plan? Lofty goals require thoughtful strategies, realistic timelines, and milestones that acknowledge the journey.
Ultimately, everyone’s path is different. The key is to own your preferences. In a world obsessed with comparison, it’s essential to look inward. Ask yourself, Why do I want this? The “why” will guide you to the “what,” and eventually, the “how.”
And here’s the most important part: you don’t have to do it alone. Ask for help, support, and accountability from someone you trust. When you share your desires with others, they come alive.
You will fail. You will succeed. And then, you will repeat. Welcome to being human.
So, let’s find the courage to sail our own boats through the choppy waters and storms. With the right map—and the willingness to adapt along the way—we can reach the islands of joy, peace, and happiness. You deserve to create the life you want.
Happy sailing,
Martha Lynn
Fundamental of the Week #11: HONOR COMMITMENTS
Be reliable; deliver on your commitments, no matter how small. If a deadline is in jeopardy, notify others immediately and set a new agreement.
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