The Gift of Allowing Things to Be Imperfect—and People to Be Upset
Photo by Eric Torres
One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is the freedom to be okay with someone not liking you—or even being mad at you. For years, I struggled with the fear of what other people thought and how I made them feel. It was an all consuming and pointless endeavor.
In my family, it became a long-running joke that any time someone wanted to talk to me, I would respond with, “Am I in trouble?” or “Are you mad at me?” The sad thing is—it wasn’t a joke at all. I really did that. Looking back I am horrified at the level of self absorption required to operate in such a way.
In order to successfully relinquish ourselves from the chains of what others may think, we need to look at the root cause. My constant fear that people were upset with me stemmed from a deep-seated belief that I was inadequate. If you’ve been through Momentum training, you know all about self-limiting perceptions—and what a b*tch they can be.
By fixating on how others felt, I robbed myself of the opportunity to truly know and understand myself. That only reinforced the problem. After all, if I lacked self-compassion, how could I ever expect to receive it from others?
Once I began the work to understand and accept myself (and continue it everyday), I realized that the actions and feelings of others have nothing to do with me. And oh what freedom there is in that!
This is where accountable communication comes into play. It’s okay to make mistakes and have disagreements. As long as I’ve owned my part and communicated with integrity, how others respond is not my burden to carry.
Start by meeting yourself in the mirror and leading from the heart in everything you do. The more you practice this, the more your world opens up, releasing you from the fear of how you’re perceived. When you learn to see yourself through loving eyes, you’ll be delighted and surprised by what looks back at you.
I love you.
Fundamental of the Week #12: BE ACCOUNTABLE
Own what happens in your world. That means holding yourself and others to account in a way that strengthens the relationship.
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