Whispers in the Office: Decoding Dialogues
Photo by Monstera Production
“I know you think you understand what you thought I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
Alan Greenspan
I’ve shared this quote with you before and am doing so again as it’s one of my favorites and it absolutely bears repeating just as much for my benefit as yours.
Does it hit home for you as much as it does for me?
Trying to truly understand what others are trying to communicate is a constant challenge. As someone is speaking, I am making quick assessments (ok, judgements….) and will react to those assessments rather than what is actually being said, even interrupting the speaker to do so! Sometimes I’ve guessed their intended meaning correctly, but I’m sure that I’m not quite correct or just dead wrong more often that I realize.
If you can relate – and I’m certain you can – you can take some comfort in knowing we’ve got lots of company. Humans naturally fall into what we call default listening. We rapidly filter what we are hearing through our own experiences, biases, values, knowledge, etc. and what comes out at the other end of that filter is very often not what the speaker intended.
Just a few examples common in the workplace:
You are busy. You have a lot on your plate and four more meetings today and you don’t have the time or the focus to wait for George to finish explaining his point, for Cheryl to finally get to her point or for James to discuss his current issues. You nod, you smile, you say “Great!” and move on.
You’ve just left a meeting with another department with the understanding that the meeting was an update on a project that is facing some challenges but proceeding. The other department left the same meeting with the understanding that they were asking for your assistance in tackling those challenges.
Your supervisor asks you to jump in on a new project. You explain that you already have a full plate and leave believing she will assign it to someone else. She believes you make it happen.
There are tools which can be effective to disrupt our default listening: for instance, try repeating what you think you heard to the speaker, share your notes and “next steps” understanding with meeting participants afterwards, and most importantly, ask questions! Curiosity is the ultimate disrupter of default listening.
Fundamental of the Week #9: COMMUNICATE TO BE UNDERSTOOD
Communicate in the least complicated way. You are accountable for what people understand or misunderstand.
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