I’m Right You’re WRONG!
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Give up the need to be right.
So simple. So powerful. So difficult!
Throughout our lives, we learn to make decisions, draw conclusions, then defend them. Once we determine we are right, we cling to that “rightness”, often despite the evidence we may be wrong. Our egos get in the way of changing our minds.
And therein lies the challenge with being right; it’s way too easy to stop listening to conflicting evidence or points of view, as we know they must be wrong. Right?
The inherent assumption we work with is that if I am right, you are wrong. A zero-sum game.
But few issues in life are truly zero-sum games. As a new executive learning to negotiate partnership and licensing contracts, I was lucky to have a very wise senior attorney at the company as my mentor, who stressed that “…if the agreement does not benefit all parties, throw it away and start over – growing a business is not a zero-sum game.” Likewise, if we viewed leadership as a zero-sum game – that leaders are right, and others are wrong – it is doubtful the leaders’ teams or the business itself would benefit. No one person or group knows everything, but combining our knowledge bases and experiences can only result in greater knowledge.
The same is true of personal relationships; a friendship, romance, or work alliance cannot thrive if viewed and treated as a zero-sum equation. On a larger scale, politics are certainly complicated by many entities’ convictions that they are right. Mohammad Javad Zarif, the former foreign minister of Iran noted that,
“…if you look at the developments in the international scene over the past many years, we haven't been able to resolve many problems and many crises, because we have approached them from a zero-sum perspective. My gain has always been defined as somebody else's loss, and through that, we never resolve problems.”
I’ve worked with many executives and business teams for which that need to be right is the root cause of so many of their challenges. Unpacking those issues can be difficult, with much stumbling over ego blocks.
Giving up the need to be right is a life-long challenge that requires deliberate openness, education, and listening. It’s not easy but is a powerful growth skill. I have been practicing for years and will continue working on it – the need to continue practicing may be the one thing I’m 100% right about!
Kind regards,
Fundamental of the Week #4: GIVE UP THE NEED TO BE RIGHT
Keep your ego, personal agenda, and judgments out of the way of doing what’s best for the team or client. Don’t let your need to “be right” interfere with hearing others and seeing other possibilities.
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