Edge vs. Hedge: Which Hidden Emotions Are Most Useful to You?
Photo by Johnson Wang on Unsplash
Have you felt the weight of the past month?
Emotions are running high across the country—and they’re influencing every decision we make.
On the heels of the recent election, some of us are immersed in good emotions, while others are enduring not-so-good ones. Wherever you're at, we can all agree that emotions are a powerful force. How powerful? I’m willing to bet that your emotions have more say over your life than you're willing to admit.
We’ve all heard the notion that emotions drive our decisions, but I’ll bet that you, YES YOU, the person reading this, believe that notion applies more to others than to yourself. We like to think of ourselves as logical, impartial, and fair decision-makers. Let’s explore that.
Emotions are already there, waiting to influence you, everywhere, all the time.
Emotions are in our bodies, in our words, in our actions, in how we choose our lover—and yes, in how we choose our president. Sure, we study the candidates and their party platforms, but how much information do we disregard when it doesn’t fit into the view we already have? And conversely, how much more do we investigate for confirmation when it seems to match our view?
We are bias machines!
We think we know which "facts" are true and which are fake, but when it comes to the election, was your vote actually based on logical information and objective data, or did you vote for the candidate you felt better about based on the "facts" you chose to believe? Considering how difficult it is to find unbiased information, I assert emotions greatly influenced your choice. I know they influenced mine.
Emotional Language: Words Matter
Emotions and words have a powerful relationship. They shape the way we think and feel, and I’m not talking about magic or woo-woo neuroscience here; I’m saying that certain words conjure emotions like comfort, distress, anger, hunger, passion, anxiety, and more.
At Momentum, we’re coaches, and one of our jobs is to guide our clients toward taking the most beneficial actions possible. These are rarely the most comfortable ones but often the most impactful. Remember, words matter. Certain words require and cause emotions—sometimes intense ones.
There’s a distinction I like to talk with my clients about called “Hedge vs. Edge.”
Hedge words play it safe and dilute commitments.
Edge words take courage, make things happen, and often stir emotions.
Here are examples of words that express—and cause—emotion:
Let’s Break It Down
Earlier, I mentioned that some words actually cause emotions. Look at the list of words in the Edge column, and think about something you know you need to do but are postponing, waiting for the "right time," or avoiding.
Are you living in a safe, inactive realm of “I’ll try”?
Or are you willing to upgrade to, “I shall” or “I will”?
Sometimes the emotional commitment is already there, and “I will” comes naturally. Other times, “I’ll try” is employed to hedge against commitment and soften the situation. It keeps the stakes low, and saying the words feels comfortable in our bodies.
Whenever we use committed, edge language, we immediately raise the stakes and the emotion. It’s risky to put our word on the line with an edgy, committed statement like, “I WILL get into the PhD program!” or “Yes, I WILL marry you!!” or “I SHALL quit my job and start my own business!” The riskier the commitment, the bigger the emotion, which can create discomfort in our body when we speak it.
Let’s wrap this up and get to the point.
The Default Listening Model: Navigating Emotions
If you’re a client or former client of Momentum, you're already familiar with our Default Listening model. This survival mechanism is perpetually active in all of us. While it helps us identify real threats, it’s also responsible for finding and manufacturing them. These threats don’t always threaten our lives, rather they tend to challenge our need to look good, be right, and avoid domination.
Each of us has this mechanism running all the time, and we all have the ability to discern the difference between actual threats to our lives vs. threats to our ego.
(One tool that helps us discern reality from fiction, by the way, is our “Fundamental of the Week: LISTEN GENEROUSLY.”)
Courage is the Key
Often what’s needed to cause real breakthroughs in discerning fact from fiction is courage. It’s courage that’s required to speak the truth when other forces are mired in biased opinions disguised as facts. It’s courage that chooses Edge over Hedge language when there are contentious situations to confront. It’s courage that chooses a world committed to love over one of hate. It’s courage that will get us through the next four years as a cohesive nation and world.
Here’s a little playfulness on Courage from our old friend, the cowardly lion:
Courage.
What makes a King out of a slave? Courage.
What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage.
What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist or the dusky dusk?
What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage.
What makes the Sphinx the 7th Wonder? Courage.
What makes the dawn come up like THUNDER?! Courage.
What makes the Hottentot so hot?
What puts the "ape" in ape-ricot?
Whatta they got that I ain't got?
COURAGE!
~ Brett
Fundamental of the Week #2: LISTEN GENEROUSLY
Give others your full attention, be present and engaged and set aside your internal conversation as best you can. Let go of your need to agree, disagree or judge. Be empathetic, and listen for the needs of others. Use your curiosity to get all the facts, separating facts from interpretations.
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