Embrace Positive Intent Today
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In his 1997 acceptance speech at the Emmy’s for Lifetime Achievement, Fred Rogers asked us to take 10 seconds to think about the people who have helped us become who we are. It was a simple moment but an emotionally moving one for those in the room and those watching at home. After watching it, this statement of gratitude came to me: Aren’t we lucky to have had someone who gave something of themselves for our benefit?
This week I learned that I’ve withdrawn my trust from someone because a promise wasn’t fulfilled. I thought about it for a while (I’m still thinking about it) and noticed how I’ve put my attention on my reasons for not trusting this person and making those reasons the only valid reality. And I get to be right about that, and the other party gets to be wrong.
But I didn’t look at what it cost me. It costs me my positive intent. If I continue to gather evidence that supports my lack of trust, I know I’ll default to being right and ignoring evidence to the contrary. I don’t like being let down by others, but I’m even more exhausted by my righteousness … and I know the pattern. I get let down. I get upset. I get upset about the other person. I look at evidence that justifies my position. Someone brings new information contrary to mine. I invalidate that and find more evidence to support my claim. I continue to be upset, but at least I get to be right. It’s the good old-fashioned Victim Mentality nightmare because it has me find what I’m looking for … which is more and more evidence to be let down.
One thing I’ll say about this “transformation lifestyle” is that if you do it long enough with enough earnestness, it tends to taint the sweetness of these short-term payoffs like “being right.”
I’m choosing positive intent and trust.
Mr. Rogers was the ultimate champion for assuming positive intent. When I take 10 seconds to think about the people who’ve helped me become who I am, he’s on the list. Assuming positive intent is not always my default so I look to him and others as role models for that.
I wish a big THANK YOU to my colleagues and mentors, Craig and Marlene Clark for letting me work this out. Y’all’re on the list with Mr. Rogers too.
This stuff actually does work.
~ Brett
Fundamental of the Week #24: ASSUME POSITIVE INTENT
Work from the assumption that people are good, fair, and honest. Set aside your own judgments or preconceived notions, and give people the benefit of the doubt. Look for the positive intent in their actions and communications.
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