How Accountability Evolves As We Grow Up
It’s taken me a long time to learn the true meaning of accountability.
The first step was thinking accountability meant responsibility. When I was growing up, I practiced taking care of myself, chores and homework solely to avoid the consequences I would face if I didn’t do those things. I was less focused on the positive outcomes of responsibility and more focused on the not getting in trouble part. That seemed to serve me, as I did well in school and was allowed freedom at home; it set me up for success. My bar for success was being able to do the things I wanted to with my friends and go off to college. Then, my desire to be responsible was generated by wanting to stay in college, which I did.
So far, so good.
However, once I got married and had children, the definition changed. I was no longer focused on being responsible for myself; I had two little humans who depended on me for survival. This spawned the next level of accountability: I was focused not just on my children surviving, but I had deep intentions that they thrive as human beings. I held myself accountable for their lives, experiences and destiny. (very dramatic, I know) While I was responsible for providing them with everything I thought they needed, I wasn’t very flexible or curious about what they actually needed.
At the beginning of my career as an executive coach, I used that same version of accountability. It was up to me to partner with the client, make a difference and follow my coaching structure precisely because I was focused on what I thought the client needed. This intention was definitely driven by my ego needing to prove my value. For the most part, I was successful with people; however, I feel I missed the mark.
Accountability has a whole different meaning to me now.
It’s no longer just responsibility. It means total and complete ownership of all that I do, all that I perceive, all that I judge, all that I feel, and all the unintended impacts I create. It’s recognizing that, when I get stuck blaming others or a situation, it’s up to me to let go of the judgment and own my part. Sometimes it can take me a while to see it, but I get there. I am the ONLY person in my way.
It’s been a journey for me to get here. I would not have arrived without the experiences leading me in this direction. I cannot say my earlier versions of accountability were inaccurate. They were necessary stepping stones. I can’t expect others to agree with my definition. I can only practice and demonstrate accountability and hopefully, along the way, someone else benefits from my journey. And if they don’t, that’s okay too.
One of my favorite prayers is the serenity prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, (accountability for my reactions)
Courage to change the things I can, (accountability for my actions)
And the wisdom to know the difference. (accountability for my peace)
That is true accountability and my continued prayer is to lead by example and practice forgiveness for myself and others when I forget.
Enjoy your journey,
Fundamental of the Week #21: LEAD BY EXAMPLE
The best way to influence others is to be the change you want to see. Bring a calming presence. Your authentic expression helps others shine.
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