Vulnerability as a Prerequisite for Daring Leadership
Image credit: Adarsh Kummur @akummur
How YOU doin’?
Now that we’re well into the new year, how’s it going? Or as Joey from Friends says, “How YOU doing?”
As we move through winter, I find I can become impatient. We have slugged through whatever new habits or behaviors we promised at the beginning of the year, and we have either created some great new practices or fallen back into our old habits.
It’s cold, the trees are still bare, and we are in “the meantime.” We are waiting for spring, new life and a change in our environment. I do my best to follow nature’s lead and recognize how important it is to slow down, rest and go inward for a bit. While it may look like the trees are all dead, they are spending their energy recharging to blossom into a greater expression of themselves.
It’s easy to slip into disappointment, boredom and frustration — to get impatient to get on with it and produce some results. In Brené Brown’s book Atlas of the Heart, she says, “Disappointment is unmet expectations. The more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment.”
Texas weather is the great tease.
If you don’t like the weather, just wait a few hours because it will change. I still operate as if I have some kind of control; I would like spring to show up now. My expectations are unrealistic, and my disappointment follows right behind. How often do we do this with others? Brown states:
When we develop expectations, we paint a picture in our head of how things are going to be and how they’re going to look. We set expectations based not only on how we fit in that picture, but also on what those around us are doing in that picture. This means that our expectations are often set on outcomes totally beyond our control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they’re going to react. The movie in our mind is wonderful, but no one else knows their parts, their lines, or what it means to us.
This is the culprit for most breakdowns.
We forget or choose not to share our expectations out loud and then wonder why others aren’t moving towards the same goal. CRAZY! Why do we do that? First, if we forget to share our desires out loud, that is an example of a blindspot. We automatically assume other people will just get it, think like us, or want the same thing. The second reason is more profound. To share our expectations, desires, and wishes means to be vulnerable. Brené Brown again:
In my most recent research on courage and leadership, the ability to embrace vulnerability emerges as the prerequisite for all the daring leadership behaviors.
In a world of perfectionism, pleasing and proving are used as armor to protect our egos and our feelings, it takes a lot of courage to show up and be all in when we can’t control the outcomes. It also takes discipline and self-awareness to understand what to share and with whom.
“Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
Can I be courageous enough to share what I want, what I want to accomplish, or how I feel? That’s what I’m working on. My first step is to be clear about why I want something to happen. If there isn’t a strong motivation and understanding of the goal, then I reevaluate the purpose of that goal and choose to proceed or let it go. The next step is to trust myself and be brave enough to share my expectations.
How do I begin to trust myself? I go inward, I get quiet, and be still. Just like the barren trees outside, I am recharging to become the full expression of myself. Only then can I authentically and courageously express what I want, what I need, and what I stand for.
So, in the meantime, I will be patient and do the inner work required to produce the opportunity for incredible outcomes and results. That’s how I’m doing.
Enjoy your quiet,
Fundamental of the Week #14: DELIVER RESULTS
Set high goals without overpromising. Track and measure your progress, and hold yourself and others accountable for delivering consistent results.
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