The Value of Trust in Confidentiality
Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Unsplash
You walk into someone’s house. You’ve never met them before, but they greet you with a smile and offer you a glass of water and a seat on the couch. You flip to a clean page in your notebook, poise your pen to write and say…
“Now, tell me about your life.”
They’ll tell you how many kids they have, where they work, that they like to vacation on the Mayan Rivera, but what are the odds they’ll let you know something real — that they’ll mention their worries and struggles?
I’ve interviewed hundreds of people in this exact scenario, and I can tell you that people are not likely to share much below the surface unless you take steps to gain their trust. There is a promise I can make that will help their shoulders come out of their ears: “I will send you this article before it goes to print, and we will take out anything you’re not comfortable with.”
With that assurance of confidentiality, I can see people relax. Now, instead of a list of their kids’ extracurriculars and professional achievements, I am privileged to hear about their first marriage, their worry for their aging parents, how thrilled yet nervous they were to conceive after years of trying to have a baby. They trust that I will not publish any of it without their consent. That window into their inner world makes for a more authentic and engaging article — a more satisfying connection as well as a better product.
The same can be said for anything you are trying to accomplish with another human — personally or in business. If a person is editing their thoughts out of fear you might blab, you may end the conversation with a feeling of vagueness and irresolution, sensing you still don’t know their genuine opinions. Then, going forward, whatever decisions you make based on that conversation are just guesswork.
Not every friend or colleague is going to share their innermost problems and thoughts with you. You can only hope that they will when it counts. Sometimes it takes an explicit promise, as in the interview scenario, but nothing speaks louder than your track record.
Nietzsche said, “There will be but few people who, when at a loss for topics of conversation, will not reveal the more secret affairs of their friends.”
It’s a temptation for us all. We are human and flawed; we want to say something interesting. But consider what you’re preserving when you don’t give into that baser instinct to reveal a juicy tidbit: not just the trust of others but your ability to connect with them authentically.
Sincerely,
April
Fundamental of the Week #16: RESPECT CONFIDENTIALITY
Honor the trust others give us. Be rigorous about keeping all information in confidence and be vigilant to safeguard it.
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