Choosing Overwhelm?
Much related to Craig’s discussion last week on suffering, let’s discover if instead of being overwhelmed that we are sometimes choosing overwhelm.
This morning, I was bombarded by messages from a participant for my next training. If you don’t know, I run workshops for fitness professionals to help with their teaching practices.
This participant was “overwhelmed” by life and wanted to back out of this weekend. Keep in mind that she had registered excitedly about a month ago. But the proximity and time required for this workshop seemed to bring her anxiety.
On one hand, I was trying to calm her down.
“Stop overthinking this,” I was telling her. “The hours are flexible outside of your time directly with me. You can do this.”
Secretly, I was getting annoyed with her overwhelm. “Why is she being like this?” I was telling myself. “We scheduled this a month ago! She set the time aside. She made a commitment! How can she be overwhelmed?”
We share a friend in common. I sent a quick text to our friend, Donna. “Joyce is struggling,” I said. “She says she is overwhelmed and can’t make it this weekend. She had made a commitment. Can you help empower her to know she can do this?”
Donna is one of my leaders as a fitness professional in my space, and she immediately agreed to talk to Joyce.
A few minutes later, Donna messaged me: “Joyce needs to move to September. She’s a public educator and the end of the school year seems to be making her stressed out.”
Oh. I’ve been there.
I immediately dropped into Joyce’s story. I have also been a public school educator while also teaching and training in fitness. It’s hard. It’s harder THIS year (Covid-19 pandemic time).
And then, here’s what I realized.
Joyce was choosing overwhelm. Could she have chosen to stick to her commitment this weekend? Yes. Would she have still been overwhelmed? Yes. Just because she chose it doesn’t mean it wouldn’t affect her experience with me over the weekend. And I LOVE my weekend experiences, especially when I’m teaching people who want to be there.
Then, I realized something more profound.
I was choosing overwhelm.
I pour so much into my trainers that I was putting pressure on myself to make this weekend work and make Joyce be the participant I wanted her to be. But that’s not up to me. What IS up to me is pouring into the people who willingly want to be present with me.
So I had to let that go, give Joyce a lot of grace, give myself grace, and mark Joyce down for a September training. This weekend might not go as I had expected, but it will be beautiful, because the people who are ready will be present. I am struck with gratitude as I recognize one of my participants is logging in from India. And at this time, her country IS completely overwhelmed with Covid. I am blessed to even be in her presence. Others will be back in September.
Overwhelm can be caused by having too many things happening in our personal space at once. It can also be a panic response to feeling like we can’t solve a problem or come to a conclusion.
To address your overwhelm, ask yourself these questions:
How many things am I trying to handle at once?
What one thing is actually pushing that “overwhelm” button?
How can I relieve that pressure?
Who can I ask for help with that?
As Caitlyn Rose reminded us recently, most of us struggle asking for help (this is a major blind spot of mine). And when we think we’re supposed to be the answer to all the questions, the questions feel too big to handle.
Let’s remember that we have to address one thing at a time, that we don’t have to take on every single little project, and that there are other humans in our space that we may ask for help…. even if help is just a phone call to your best friend. “I’m feeling overwhelmed. Can I talk this out for a minute?”
Something that can really help is jotting down all the things that you feel you’re responsible for and then circling the one thing that you actually need to do right now. Next, cross out what you don’t need to actually do at all. Finally, consider what you can delegate.
Need help with this blind spot? Our coaches at Momentum Consulting are really good at helping with overwhelm and opening up to a more enjoyable and efficient work life, which will help your happiness AND help your business thrive. I should know. Marlene coaches me through these very practices.
Fundamental #2: LISTEN GENEROUSLY
Give others your full attention, be present and engaged and set aside the internal conversation in your head as best you can. Let go of your need to agree, disagree, or judge. Be empathetic and listen for the needs of others. Listen with curiosity and make sure you get all the facts, separating facts from interpretations.