Being Right Isn't About Being Right
image credit: Sebastian Herrmann@officestock
Being right about something is really just the perception of being right.
(Except for death and taxes, that’s for real). In my life, I have never experienced such a time in which individuals are so stuck in their points of view, so adamant about being right as has been the case the past several years. I imagine almost every human can make a statement like that at some point.
History provides the evidence: Women who are now respected as healers used to be accused of witchcraft and burned at the stake. Rock and Roll was considered immoral music and banned in some places; now we have the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame.
So, who is right? Everyone and no one. Being right really isn’t about being right.
It’s about being heard. We are actually fighting to be heard, not to be right.
This is the human condition. It actually comes down to proving our self-worth; that’s why we dig our heels in so hard. Some people can be more intense in that effort than others.
Unfortunately, we will never prove our self-worth if we look for it outside of ourselves. The journey for all of us is to discover our self-worth internally. Here's a little hint: you already are worthy. However, as we work through that belief, how do we work through the immediate frustration of not feeling heard?
It happens when we are willing to hear others.
Most of the greatest inventions, ideas, and creations have come from a variety of feedback. The best ideas have come from someone saying, “It can’t be done.”
Can we be curious about why it can’t be done instead of getting into a verbal debate of insistence? Are we willing to take the next step and ask, “Tell me more about why you think it can’t be done?” or “Can you show me how?” What if we were willing to learn from each other about different points of view? We don’t have to agree. We can seek to understand the why, what, and how of someone’s beliefs.
When we are willing to validate someone’s point of view, it softens their strong desire to be right.
I’ve even seen people completely give up their stance because they had the experience of being heard. When we really hear someone, we are letting them know they are important, they bring value and we respect their perspective. We get much more done when we hear others first. We create the possibility of being heard and giving up the need to be right.
Challenge yourself to resist the urge to prove your point and allow someone else to prove their point. Then, watch the magic happen…
Listening always,
Fundamental of the Week#2: LISTEN GENEROUSLY
Give others your full attention, be present and engaged and set aside your internal conversation as best you can. Let go of your need to agree, disagree or judge. Be empathetic, and listen for the needs of others. Use your curiosity to get all the facts, separating facts from interpretations.
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