Being Right Isn't About Being Right
Click the image above for a brief overview from Consultant Martha Lynn Mangum
This is Part 3 of our series "Listening FOR." See the first two installments:
The Mini Me in Listening by Tracey Nelson
Gratitude for Straight Talk by Brett Morris
Did you know that being right about something is really just a perception about being right?
(Except for death and taxes, that’s for real). In my life, I have never experienced such a time in which individuals are so stuck in their points of view. I imagine almost every human can make a statement like that at some point.
History seems to provide enough evidence of that. Women who are now respected as healers used to be burned at the stake accused of witchcraft. Rock and Roll was considered immoral music and banned in some places and now we have the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame. So, who is right?
Everyone and no one.
Being right really isn’t about being right. You want to know what it’s about?
It’s about being heard. We are actually fighting to be heard, not to be right.
This is the human being condition. It actually comes down to proving our self-worth. That’s why we tend to dig our heels in so hard. Some people can be more intense in that effort than others.
Unfortunately, we will never prove our self-worth if we look for it outside of ourselves. The journey for all of us is to discover our self-worth internally. Here's a little hint: you already are worthy. However, as we work through that belief, how do we work through the immediate frustration of not feeling heard?
It happens only when we are willing to hear others.
Most of the greatest inventions, ideas, and creations have come from a variety of feedback. The best ideas have come from someone saying, “It can’t be done.”
Can we be curious about why it can’t be done versus getting in a verbal debate of insistence? Are we willing to take the next step and ask, “Tell me more about why you think it can’t be done?” or “Can you show me how?” What if we were willing to learn from each other about different points of view? We don’t have to agree. We can seek to understand the why, what, and how of someone’s beliefs.
When we are willing to validate someone’s point of view, it softens the strong desire for their need to be right.
I’ve even seen people completely give up there stand because they had the experience of being heard. When we really hear someone, we are letting them know they are important, they bring value, and we respect their perspective. We get much more done when we hear others first. We create the possibility of being heard and giving up the need to be right.
Challenge yourself to resist the urge to prove your point and allow someone else to prove their point. Then, watch the magic happen…
Listening always,
Fundamental #4: GIVE UP THE NEED TO BE RIGHT. Keep your ego, your personal agenda, and your judgments out of the way of doing what’s best for the team or the customer. Don’t let being right interfere with being able to hear others and see possible new solutions you haven’t seen before.
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