Authenticity: From Shallow Waters to Higher Ground
In 1979, Bob Fosse, a famous Broadway choreographer, and director produced and directed the movie All That Jazz. The main character, representing Fosse, would get up in the morning, get dressed and ready to head to work, pop an upper, look at himself in the mirror, pat his face, and declare...
"It is showtime, folks!"
How many of us can relate? We get up in the morning, clean up for work (at least pre-COVID), down some coffee, brace ourselves, and head out the door. It has become so routine that we do not notice. In some ways, it started back in grade school—walking out the door with a mental "showtime!". We slapped our game faces on and headed to school.
How often does peer pressure, posting on social media, dating apps, office environments, etc. drive us to be inauthentic?
Think of our many explanations for unkept agreements.
"I was late because of traffic." "I did not get the report done because I ran out of time."
"My phone's battery died." Add your version...
There is no flaw here, no "should be"; it is simply a mechanism.
It takes getting a grip on the mechanism and start to get power and freedom—there is power in freedom to be yourself, we all seek it!
Here is what we are up against: authenticity is a word that is losing real distinction because it has become vogue. We see it in business articles, social media, and ironically, in politics, which suggests just how diluted it has become.
What makes it so hard or elusive? I say elusive because we have justified the behavior. We are not even conscious of it. We are not conscious of how often we think, "Oh, I could not say that. Oh, be careful here!"
So, what makes being authentic so difficult? It is dangerous! Authenticity is built on vulnerability.
Our ability to be authentic is limited by our willingness to be vulnerable, and vulnerability is dangerous!
Our vulnerability allows us to be ourselves, to be human. We have a thirst for being human, yet being human seems risky. Like all danger, vulnerability carries fear. Fear of consequences, fear of rejection, fear of being betrayed, fear of loss.
Quick exercise: Think of the common situations where you play the role rather than being yourself. Jot them down.
This all seems so personal, but it is not! There is science behind it. The most primitive part of the brain, the amygdala, is small but powerful. It is responsible for identifying when a situation is good and safe—or painful and threatening. When the amygdala perceives a threat, it floods the brain with the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol triggers the fight, flight, or freeze instinct.
A threat can mean a lot of things to the subconscious. Things that seem like small betrayals can cause big changes in your neurochemistry. For example, when your opinion is rejected or overridden, you are excluded from a group decision. You don’t receive appreciation for the work you’ve done. Whether a threat is real or imagined, the chemical changes in your brain are the same.
Here is what happens when it does: First, stress hormones kick into high gear. Then, more evolved parts of the brain shut down. The prefrontal cortex, where reasoning and logic occur, becomes inaccessible when stress hormones like cortisol are present.
As a result, when you have a bad conversation, you can’t think straight. The ability to reason, empathize, and connect is gone. The chemical changes remain hours later. Cortisol doesn’t immediately break down, and it colors your reactions to everything. Bad day at work? The stress hormones follow you home and cause you to pick a fight with the first person who gets in your way. This cascade of negative interactions can lead to chronic stress.
It starts with something called an amygdala hijack. The Amygdala gets triggered, and you get triggered; we all do. The amygdala produces fear, a primitive part of our brain's instinct system that raises our senses.
Here is the good news: you can overcome the reaction, but it takes hijacking the hijack!
It starts with recognizing that you have been victimized by a cortisol rush and that you have found something or someone to pin the cause on. The secret to recovery is realizing you have been hooked, owning your reaction, and taking ownership of the response. Although the physical reaction may not have left you, mentally you are now free to choose a new course of action.
You can now choose authenticity. A return to authenticity gives you freedom.
We have all built a façade, a game face: "Never let them see you sweat!"
We can all relate to this; think of being at work, at church, or in social situations, especially ones where you feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Here is the light to turn on... "Hiding will not save you!"
Below are some of the things you have to pay attention to recover:
TAKING ON AUTHENTICITY: Key Elements of Authenticity
Self-awareness: Take an inventory and identify your emotional triggers. Be honest with yourself. Humility is loving and appreciating yourself without feeling superior. Being true to yourself in the face of peer pressure entails taking into account both the opinions of others and your judgments. Examine your beliefs and understand that they are not reality.
Learn to Listen to Others: This requires learning to listen from the other’s perspective, emotions, and intent in the communication so that they feel listened to. Embracing and accepting diversity in others Avoid making assumptions; be curious.
Be Boldly Vulnerable. Take risks with personal sharing. Learn to set real boundaries.
Practice Open-Mindedness: Notice your judgments of yourself, others, and situations and practice moving on; they are not real.
Be Honest in Communication: pay attention to what comes out of your mouth. Step into difficult conversations and practice compassion; it is difficult for them too. Appreciate others’ perspectives without feeling obliged. Share your dreams and passions, especially in the face of non-agreement.
THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!
Our Spring Summit will focus on "The Art of Authenticity," and it is bringing all of us here at Momentum together to assess our consistency with this elusive human strength. However, we have been doing it for a long time!
I hope you are having a great week, you deserve it!
Cheers and Blessings,
Fundamental of the Week #23: PRACTICE RECOVERY
When mistakes or errors in judgment happen, own it. Communicate to the appropriate parties, acknowledge your accountability, and set corrective steps in motion. Get back in the game quickly.
Momentum Consulting offers executive business coaching, top-level executive consulting, team training, and team off-sites to build and transform your business to the next level. Inquire about business consulting and leadership coaching today.
