Who's Ready for a Tough Conversation?
Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash
Do you have a work culture in which it’s okay to speak up?
If not, this is something that can be intentionally created and developed over time, and it always starts at the top of an organization.
If you have a role in leadership, you not only have to give people permission to speak up and give feedback, you actually have to ask for it.
You need to be willing to listen generously and validate their point of view or don’t even bother. Listening from a place of curiosity and setting aside your own perspective for a few minutes will allow that person to feel heard, and you will gain valuable information along the way.
A large portion of our work at Momentum Consulting is coaching executives, managers and teams on how to build — or sometimes re-build — trust amongst themselves. One of the ways we do this is using communication tools based on ownership-accountability combined with a spirit of partnership and collaboration.
Over twenty years of working with numerous organizations, we have assessed it is nearly impossible to effectively speak straight in a respectful manner without some type of generous listening happening on the other end. It seems you can’t have one without the other.
You may be asking for and listening generously to feedback; that’s great. How well are you doing at giving feedback?
At any level of an organization, it can be uncomfortable raising issues or holding someone accountable for their impact on you.
It’s useful to spend a few minutes and prepare what you would like to say.
Here are a few pointers:
Start with your commitment to the person, the department and to the outcome of the conversation, with an intention to forward the action.
State the facts of the situation. Separate the facts from your interpretation and your story about what happened. Our initial reaction to any situation can often be a barrier to speaking straight respectfully.
Share the impact the situation or their behavior has had on you. Frame what you have to say from your own perspective and point of view, letting go of any blame. Be authentic, and speak from the heart. This will help them listen generously, especially if they have had an unintended impact on you.
Leave the conversation with a resolution. It may not be fully resolved, but start somewhere and go from there. You may have to make a request or two and possibly negotiate some new promises between each other. Focus on finding a solution, not who is at fault.
If you find yourself tolerating behaviors that don’t work and avoiding these types of conversations, ask yourself, what stops you?
And even more importantly, what does it cost you not to do it?
We are here to help you ask yourself the tough questions and explore what is possible out of building an environment of open communication and trust.
All my best,
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