What Daryl Davis’s Conversations with Klan Members Teach Us About Listening
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Morning hope
Full of potential
Nothing is decided; anything is possible
The preamble to confronting our list is the promise of infinity
What will you accomplish today?
I’ve recently heard it said that the Civil War in this country never ended.
If one seeks evidence for this (and most anything else), one will find it. We humans are masterful at uncovering proof to support our point of view. It’s one of those unconscious competencies that fuel some of our juiciest and most sinister blind spots.
Our fundamental this week is LISTEN GENEROUSLY which we define as…
Give others your full attention, be present and engaged and set aside the internal conversation in your head as best you can. Let go of your need to agree, disagree or judge. Be empathetic, and listen for the needs of others. Listen with curiosity, and make sure you get all the facts, separating facts from interpretations.
Allow me to introduce you to Daryl Davis.
Mr. Davis is a blues man who not only has an ear for music, but also an ear for listening to others’ points of view which tend to be quite different from his own. How different?
Daryl Davis is an African American man who for years has befriended members of the Ku Klux Klan in an attempt to understand their values and points of view. He has made some great friends along the way, and many of his new friends have renounced their Klan membership based on their friendship with Daryl.
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; it’s also what it takes to sit down and listen.
~ Winston Churchill
I first learned about Mr. Davis by watching the movie Accidental Courtesy which highlights his unusual journey. It was a captivating experience.
Here’s the trailer for the documentary, Accidental Courtesy.
Perhaps the most generous listener of all time, Mr. Davis has crossed enemy lines like no other.
When watching this movie I saw klansmen magically shift before my eyes. But magic or not, Mr. Davis is practicing what we at Momentum call Other Oriented Listening. It’s the real mechanism for how to listen generously. It asks the listener to almost literally put themselves in the life of the speaker and listen from the speaker’s point of view — listen through that person’s personal history, values, belief systems, experiences, pains, losses — whatever it takes so that the speaker feels fully heard.
You’ll notice that he does this without condoning hate or bad behavior.
At work, in life and in our families, each of us encounters those with whom we have fundamental differences. I invite you to take a moment to identify a couple of those most challenging relationships and see if practicing Other Oriented Listening would elevate the situation.
We often distinguish this type of listening as a tool, but we offer it as a way of life.
~ Brett
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Fundamental of the Week #2: LISTEN GENEROUSLY
Give others your full attention, be present and engaged and set aside the internal conversation in your head as best you can. Let go of your need to agree, disagree, or judge. Be empathetic and listen for the needs of others. Listen with curiosity and make sure you get all the facts, separating facts from interpretations.
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