Please Don’t Feed The Stress
Stress.
We talk about it a lot as a negative thing. This business meeting or that family gathering was stressful. I have so much going on, I’m stressed, and I can’t sleep. Too much stress, or the wrong kind, definitely hurts our health and happiness, but it’s also an important part of who we are as humans.
“That which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” is based on scientific evidence. According to one study at UCLA:
People with a history of some lifetime adversity reported better mental health and well-being outcomes than not only people with a high history of adversity but also than people with no history of adversity.
(Seery et al., 2010, p. 1025)
The key there, of course, is “some.” In the same study, researchers found that people with the highest amount of lifetime stress had the poorest mental and physical health. “Everything in moderation” also has its foundations in fact.
What does this mean for our everyday lives?
We don’t necessarily have to view a brief period of moderate stress as negative.
I remember one morning several years ago, I woke up not having slept well. It was deadline week for the magazine I produced; I had kids’ birthday parties to plan and a lot of other little niggling yet vital tasks on my to-do list. (Some people love to plan parties; I am not one of them. Even thinking about it now gives me hives.) As I helped the kids get ready for school that day, I could feel my shoulders tensing up into my ears.
I was anxious I wouldn’t get everything done, that I’ll forget something. I foresaw what would happen, what always happened: I’d feel harried and annoyed and snap at everyone who deigned to speak to me. I didn’t like myself like that. So, I sat down to write in my journal, which is where I worked out (after rambling on for several pages) that…
I was feeding the stress.
I was feeling the pressure of everything I needed to do, and I was egging it on with self-doubt and self-judgment for bad behavior towards my family that hadn’t even occurred (yet.) This is what made me feel awful, not the stress itself.
As soon as I realized what I was doing and removed all that other stuff, I found the stress actually fed me. That feeling of having a lot to do got me motivated and energized. It also helped to remind myself that magazine deadlines are not life-or-death; no one’s loved one was going to miss a kidney because I got my articles in a little late. I got my head to a calmer and more focused place and thought…
This must be what people who say they thrive on stress are talking about.
If you don’t feed the stress with all of your other baggage, stress can actually fuel you. Caveat: we’re not talking about chronic stress; you can’t operate this way all the time without negative repercussions. Sometimes, you need a break. But periodically, a stressful week can give you a sense of purpose and, in the end, a feeling of accomplishment.
Instead of automatically assuming stress is bad, realize it’s more how we manage it. You can let it take over and freak you out, or you can harness it and allow it to fuel you to excel without letting it take over your life.
Sincerely,
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Fundamental of the Week #21: LEAD BY EXAMPLE
The best way to influence others is to be the change you want to see. Bring a calming presence. Your authentic expression helps others shine.
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