How to Make Friends with Your Triggers
Well, hello, old friend, Trigger. I remember you!
What happens to you when you get triggered by something?
I’m not talking about feeling a little annoyed or frustrated; I mean a full-on rug pull or sideswipe — the reaction you have to something you were not expecting. Or you were expecting one thing and got the complete opposite. One moment, you’re doing just fine, and the next you are not fine at all.
The first signs for me show up in my body.
My head feels hot, my palms sweat, my heart starts pounding, and the sensation migrates up to my throat. My brain gets foggy, and I can’t think clearly. What IS this? It’s been a while, but it’s so familiar. This is something designed to help me deal with fear. Hello, my dear old friend, Trigger.
Within a couple of minutes, the fog clears, and my brain function returns to focus on whose fault it is, immediately diving into a sea of judgments and interpretations about the other person, about me, about whatever. It doesn’t matter how much I know not to do this; it’s automatic.
It’s a default gift of my wiring to help me survive.
Survive what? It’s a rather faulty system; nothing is attacking me. I just read an email, that’s it. That’s what happened. Period. I read digital words on a screen, and now I’m ready to duke it out or run, depending on the day.
A sign of being triggered is when our reaction is disproportionate to the present events or not reasonably related to the actual current facts. If you’re interested, here’s a more in-depth read about this subject in Psychology Today.
Thankfully, I’ve learned I have a choice about how I choose to respond.
Everything I’ve described so far, my entire experience to this point, has happened internally. What I do with it on the outside is up to me.
Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
~Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
So, I can fire off a reactionary response to the email that got my dander up in a split second, which will almost assuredly escalate matters into the dramatic. Or I can take a step back, breathe, vent, take some time, whatever I need to do to process my emotions and then respond in a more effective, reasonable way.
My body is trying to protect me with its response to the trigger; it just doesn’t know the difference between a pouncing tiger and a slightly problematic digital message.
Like most advice, this doesn’t apply in every situation.
If your safety is threatened, by all means, let your trigger response take the reins and get you out of there! But if, like me today, your body is reacting to some mild criticism embedded in words on a screen, maybe wait a beat before you hit “send.”
All my best,
Comment below
or
Fundamental of the Week #22: DEMONSTRATE URGENCY IN RESPONSE TIME AND FOLLOW-UP
Model enthusiasm in your response to issues and rigor in your follow-up. Keep people updated, and make sure they are clear about your communications.
Momentum Consulting offers executive business coaching, top-level executive consulting, team trainings and team off-sites to build and transform your business to the next level. Inquire about business consulting and leadership coaching today.
