How to Be Sick Without Feeling Guilty
Rest and guilt don’t go well together.
Our Fundamental of the Week is “Honor Your Commitments.” I have been trying to honor my commitment to write this post since last Friday.
I came down with Covid, and the fog it created in my brain hampered my ability to form coherent paragraphs. Not being able to think straight and being contagious made it impossible for me to honor several different work commitments as well as family ones. No one wants the person with Covid driving carpool, but I felt guilty all the same for the burden it put on others.
Guilt is what Hilary Jacobs Hendel, author of It’s Not Always Depression, calls an “inhibitory emotion.” That means the guilt is covering up a core emotion, usually that of shame. It doesn’t make sense to be ashamed of being sick, and yet that feeling is there. Feelings don’t have to make sense; they just are.
If I dig back into my past, I realize that shame is actually for failing to follow through on my commitments, for not being productive, for not moving forward as planned when I thought I would be well this week.
This comes from being raised to be useful at all times, to never sit around while someone else is doing the work. To be fair, I don’t think my parents intended for me to internalize the idea that I could never take a break, never rely on other people when I wasn’t feeling well, but sometimes we (or at least, I) take a lesson too much to heart.
No one around me was trying to guilt-trip me.
Everyone from work colleagues to family and friends was extremely empathetic and understanding, so I could tell the guilt had an internal origin.
The point? Yes, there are times you need to rest because you are ill, overworked or underslept. And if you pay attention, your body and mind will tell you when that is. To honor that need, however, and really benefit from taking a break, it’s useful to get past any guilt or anxiety we have about taking a break.
Resting while feeling stressed out about resting isn’t terribly helpful.
I am fortunate to have the resources and support to take a time out when I need to; not everyone does. I have friends to run to the drug store for me, a spouse to pick up the carpool slack and work from which it is easy to take a day or two off, as long as I let people know. Now that I am rested and feeling somewhat better, I can get back to honoring my commitments with more energy.
Lastly, I want to thank everyone who helped out while I was down. It’s more evidence that the village approach benefits us all. Thanks, y’all.
Sincerely,
Fundamental #11: HONOR YOUR COMMITMENTS
Be reliable and deliver on all your commitments, no matter how small. If a commitment is in jeopardy, notify others immediately and set a new commitment.
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