How Many Friends is Too Many?
Image by Duy Pham @miinyuii
I recently celebrated my 54th birthday.
I absolutely love celebrating my birthday because it’s a celebration of life and an opportunity to celebrate my parents for bringing me into this world. As they say, every birthday is a good birthday if we are lucky enough to keep having them. Depending on the year, I will invite friends and family to join me or choose to be more quiet and intimate. Every year, however, I take the opportunity to reflect on lessons learned, practice gratitude, and design how I want this next year to unfold.
I feel very blessed to have a wonderful community, and I’m very touched by the people I have met and built relationships with over the years.
And then there’s social media…
The day after my birthday, I realized I had not looked at the social media platforms I sparingly follow. I felt obligated to look at these platforms and respond to people who sent birthday wishes. I was dreading it for a couple of reasons. One, it felt self-indulgent to look to see who acknowledged my birthday. Second, since I don’t participate in these sites often, I felt inauthentic. And yet, I thought it would be disrespectful not to acknowledge those that took the time to send me a message. So, of course, I did. I was honored by the people that reached out and a little embarrassed that I don’t return my wishes on other people’s birthdays. So, this is my dilemma:
How many people do we need to know, and how effective can our relationships be if they are solely through social media? According to Oxford professor Robin Dunbar,
We can have, on average, 150 “meaningful” relationships.
Check out what Robin Dunbar has to say about how many friends we can have.
That is an operative term depending on your definition of meaningful relationships. I believe that we have levels of relationships and that some relationships come and go. However, social media is changing the game. How many people are you “friends” with on your social media platforms? How many of those people do you interact with outside of your social media? Since I have connection as a Core Value, I understand that my definition of relationships requires more interaction and involvement. To be honest, 150 sounds like a lot to me, and 150 could sound like not enough to another.
Dunbar’s number has recently been challenged because of technology.
It is being argued that it is possible to extend the number of meaningful relationships well beyond 150, and there are advantages to that in business and career development. The study shows that people often build connections that can lead to career advancement outside the “inner circle.” The perimeter of relationships proves to be beneficial. We also have to consider, especially with the pandemic, that business has expanded, and there are fewer physical barriers to doing business. Therefore, as our world of work has grown, so have the opportunities for relationships.
To be honest, I wish Dunbar’s number would hold.
I prefer more intimate interactions with people, which is why I love one-to-one coaching. It’s a privilege to work with people and learn about them, understand their challenges and vulnerabilities, and support them in transforming themselves to achieve their goals. I’m sure I get overwhelmed by all the possibilities of new relationships that social media allows. So, my learning is to discern whether I’m playing small or am I honoring my definition of meaningful relationships? What about you? How do you define meaningful relationships, and how many do you prefer? I would love to hear from you!
All my best,
Comment below
or
Fundamental of the Week #21: LEAD BY EXAMPLE
The best way to influence others is “being the change you want to see.” Bring a calming presence. Help others to shine.
Momentum Consulting offers executive business coaching, top-level executive consulting, team trainings and team off-sites to build and transform your business to the next level. Inquire about business consulting and leadership coaching today.
